Ten minutes.
Two men, a dolly, a strap, and a door held open, and then a truck pulling away up the road.
Fifteen years in this kitchen and the leaving took ten minutes, and you were still standing on the step when the truck turned the corner, and then you were standing there after that too.
And what caught you was not the going. The going was arranged and paid for and wanted, and the new one comes on Thursday.
It was the speed.
Fifteen years, and it came apart in the time it takes to boil a kettle twice, and there is something in that ratio that has been sitting on you all afternoon and that you cannot quite put down.
And it is not really about the machine, and you know that, and this article is going to say what it is about instead.
You are a man who noticed how quickly something ended and not a man dwelling on things, and the speed of a departure has never once been a measure of what came before it.
Make me to know the measure of my days
There is a request in the psalms that sounds bleak and is actually a request for accuracy.
LORD, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am. (Psalm 39:4, King James Version)
Make me to know the measure of my days, what it is.
He is asking to be told the true length of something. That is the whole request. Not to be comforted about it, not to have it extended, and not to be distracted from it.
To know what it is. Accurately.
You are asking for the same thing that psalm asks for, and a man who wants the true size of something has never once been a man being morbid about it. The Holy Spirit is the one present with somebody standing on a step after a truck has gone, and Psalm 39:4 asks for the measure rather than for reassurance.
And notice that it is a request made to God.
He does not work it out himself. He does not sit down and calculate it and frighten himself. He asks, which means the knowing he wants is the kind that can be given safely, by somebody who is not going to hand it over in a way that harms him.
You are able to ask for a true sense of things rather than manufacture one, and a measure received from God has never once been a measure that crushed the person who received it. The written word makes it a request rather than an exercise, and the Spirit of God is the one who gives a true sense of length without the weight that comes with working it out alone.
And that I may know how frail I am.
Frail is an honest word and the psalm is not afraid of it. But look at the position it is in: it is the result of the asking, not a condition for it. He is not asking because he already feels frail. He is asking so that he will know accurately, and the accuracy includes that.
You are able to hold an accurate thought about how things end, and a man who looks straight at a length of time has never once been damaged by looking. The Holy Spirit is the one who makes an honest thought safe to have, and Psalm 39:4 wants the knowing rather than the avoidance.
The ratio is the mercy
Something practical, and it is about the ratio itself.
Fifteen years of use took ten minutes to remove. That ratio feels wrong, and it is worth saying why it feels wrong and then why it is not.
It feels wrong because effort and duration are being compared across two different kinds of thing. Fifteen years was accumulated one load at a time, unnoticed, in small pieces. The removal was one concentrated act by two men who do it forty times a week.
Those are not comparable quantities and the mind is trying to compare them anyway.
You are comparing two things that cannot be set against each other, and an easy removal has never once said anything about the weight of what was removed. The written word asks for the true measure rather than for a feeling about it, and the Spirit of God is the one who separates a duration from a demolition.
And here is why the ratio is actually a mercy rather than an insult.
Most things that take a long time to build take a long time to end, and that ending is the hard part. Long illnesses. Slow endings of every kind. A thing that can be finished in ten minutes by two polite men is a thing that was allowed to end kindly.
You were watching something end quickly and cleanly, and a fast ending has never once been a lesser ending than a slow one. The Holy Spirit is the one who lets a man see a mercy where he was seeing an insult, and Psalm 39:4 asks for the measure so that a person can see what is actually there.
So stand in the space. That is the practical thing and it takes one minute.
Before the new one comes on Thursday, go and stand in the gap. The floor is a different color there and there is a mark on the wall and both of those are going to be covered up for another fifteen years.
Look at it once, on purpose, and then let Thursday happen.
You have one minute and a patch of floor between you and the end of this, and a gap looked at deliberately has never once been a gap somebody had to keep coming back to. The Holy Spirit is the one in the kitchen while you stand in it, and Psalm 39:4 asks for the accurate measure.
So here is what I believe is going out over a man standing on a step watching a truck turn a corner.
You are a man who noticed how quickly something ended and not a man dwelling on things, and the speed of a departure has never once been a measure of what came before it. I am not telling you Thursday is easy and I am not telling you what the new one is like. Psalm 39:4 asks for the true measure rather than for comfort, and it is the Holy Spirit and not my saying so who gives a true sense of things safely.
And this, which is the word I actually came with:
You are able to look straight at how a thing ended, and a man who asks for the accurate measure has never once been asking for something that would harm him. The Spirit of God is the one who hands over a true sense of length without the weight of working it out alone, and the written word made it a request rather than a calculation, so nobody was ever meant to do this arithmetic by themselves.
One minute in the gap. Then Thursday.
Declare this over yourself
- Ten minutes it took to go, you were never once a measure of the fifteen years that came before you. Psalm 39:4 says make me to know the measure of my days, so by the Holy Spirit I come in off the step where I watched the truck go, and I stand in the space for one minute, in the name of Jesus.
- Ratio that has been going round all afternoon, you are comparing two things that cannot be compared. The written word asks for the true measure rather than for a feeling about it, and by the Holy Spirit I look at the floor instead of at the arithmetic.
- Father, You let a man ask for the accurate length of a thing and You never once handed it over in a way that harmed him. Your word says the measure of my days, what it is, so by Your Spirit I look straight at it, and then I sweep the floor.
Psalm 39:4
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